Welcome!

   As I have allowed myself to go back through time in my mind remembering the unpleasantness life has brought, and getting to the root of the inner turmoil that has plagued me, the words of one of the challengers from one of the beginning blogs remain in my heart.

"Releasing someone is to tell them that because of the power of God you have no longer caused any damage in my life. You no longer owe me anything. We both are free"

This revelation is changing my life! It's helping me allow God to set me free! And truthfully, in some cases, it's something I do on a daily basis. Not face to face, but in my heart.

   The ones from my past can only still hurt me if I'm unforgiving toward them in my heart.

The ones in my present that are the same, yet different, they are the ones that still have access to my heart. I've heard it said for many years, and have found to be true, that the ones closest to you hurt you the worst. Wether intentional or not.

   Being hurt (in my case anyway) has caused a wall to go up to block my heart from further pain, but it's only led to an unforgiving attitude and bitterness. Trust is a pretty big thing to me, especially being able to trust someone's word. Trusting with my heart after it has been crushed especially when it's those closest to me, was a definite argument with God. It meant I had to open myself up to the very pain the wall was designed to keep out.

   Part of the healing process for me in one area of my life has been writing special notes for someone special. In one of those notes I felt I was supposed to write, "I trust you" I said, "really God!? But I don't" I didn't trust my heart would not be crushed again, and again. I really didn't want to write it because I felt it was a lie, but I had to trust God, so I wrote it. While I was writing "I trust you" I felt healing take place in my heart, and from that moment the trust was back. And yes, trust in that area is a process, forgiveness is a process, but I know I have to keep my heart open and not allow that wall back up. I have to trust the strength of God.

   For the sake of keeping it real, going through this process and opening my heart up again hasn't meant that my heart hasn't been hurt, even since I started this blogging. I've still cried and thought, "God, when is the hurt going to stop? When is my heart going to quit being broken?" I've wondered if my heart will be safe from this particular pain, yet knowing I have to keep forgiveness at the forefront of my life. Reminding my heart that love never fails. Note, man's love, But the love that comes from God.

God, Himself is love, and He never fails!

   I find myself through this process (and even before it began) wondering about the promises of God, not questioning them, but rather wondering when I'm going to see them come to pass, like Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, say's the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope." NKJV

   I hold onto Gods word. He and His word are one. It's been my hope in the darkest times of my life.

As the blogging continues. As I continue to allow the healing process to continue through time alone with God and total surrender. Giving it all to Him. Releasing the hurt, bitterness, anger, disgust, forgiving myself, and others. One day I will wake up a whole, New Person!

Thanks For Reading!
Blessings!

Tammie