Welcome!

Wow, God is SO good!

Going through my healing process, making a conscious effort daily to keep forgiveness at the forefront of my heart, I feel light and free.

Last night as I was reading through a book I wrote "So Thankful! Life Behind the Posts" which just went through the editing process, I am now reading through the changes made to add, take away, or leave as is.  As I was reading a painful part of the book I noticed something that reminded me of a blog I posted 8-6-16  Excerpt; I cried and prayed. I told God "I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to hurt anymore, I want to be healed".  I DIDN'T CRY! and the pain diminished.  I just sat back in my chair and thought "WOW".

I know forgiving others is really important, but forgiving myself!?  I had NO idea how not only important, but big that would be to this process. It's as if forgiving myself helped me to forgive others. It feels like the flow of Gods joy and peace has been unblocked.  Imagine dirt clogging a plastic pipe, then water being rushed through the pipe to clear it, that's how this feels to me. Forgiving myself is that water rushing through my heart cleaning the dirt of non-forgiveness of myself and others out.  The pipe goes from being heavy to being light because there is no more dirt weighing it down.  That's how I feel!

Pondering this process I believe I had to go back through the years of my adolescence as I mentioned from my first blog on 5-28-16  to get to the root of the non-forgiveness of myself and others.  I had to remember scenario's which transpired in my life to begin the healing process. To accept them for what they were, and forgive, to move on. 

When I began this blogging process I thought "my God what if this process takes a year or two".  In all honesty, even though I really don't know who but a few of you are, I felt an obligation to not only myself but to all who read these blogs to get through this process.  I couldn't stop no matter how much it hurt my heart or disgusted I felt.  My goodness, I am SO glad I kept going! 

Thanks For Reading! 

Blessing!

Tammie

Welcome!

Since my blog on September 9th, I have been pondering how I used to be, and how to get back the better me.  My first step would be to forgive myself, and this would entail not reminding myself of past failures, but putting my focus on what's positive concerning the future.

A few months ago Matthew 22:37-40 was quoted in a meeting I attended to bring out a really interesting point, the point was found in the 39th verse, "you shall love your neighbor as yourself"  wow, as you love yourself! That really gave me something to think on, my thought was, "do I love myself?".

Along with pondering the thought of loving myself, God also placed 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 on my heart, these verses focus on love.

Verse 4 "Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]: it does not take into account wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening] 8 love never fails [it never fades or ends]..." amp

Is this what my life is about? Is this what others see in me? Sadly, I'm not sure all the descriptions of love have been a part of my daily life in recent years.

Looking back to the blog on 7-8-16, I need to forgive myself of the past so that I will be set free. Although the blog talks about releasing others, I also need to release myself. I will stop being critical of myself for past mistakes, God has forgiven me, so who am I not to forgive myself? He doesn't remember the mistakes I've made, and part of loving myself includes forgiving myself.

This time of meditation on these scriptures has been an eye opener, helping remember who I used to be and knowing the way back is healing from the inside out, forgiving and loving myself.  I already feel a change has taken place within myself and feel a load has been lifted off me.

It's amazing how forgiving one's self can have the same freeing effects as forgiving others.

Now it's time to keep moving forward in love and forgiveness of myself and others, letting the past be just that, the past.

Thanks For Reading!

Blessings!

Tammie

Welcome!

   I was lying in bed trying to sleep pondering this blog believing that I had nothing to say (not of any importance anyway) when I heard God gently say to me, "but you do." He reminded me of a word spoken by the same woman of God I spoke about in my blog on August 20th.

   The word she spoke hit so many key areas of my life that I just cried, and then cried some more! By the time she was done speaking, I knew that I knew that by the end of this journey, I would indeed be healed and whole. Since then, I  listened to what she spoke about five times. With each time that I listen, I'm being given an even greater hope of healing and wholeness, and God opened my eyes more to what He was saying to me through her.

At this moment I am still in an  "oh my God" discovery mode from the blog I posted on September 2nd.  It was definitely an eye-opener that is helping me to heal and stand strong.  Although it has now been a week since this discovery, I am still in the processing mode. Again, quoting from my September 2nd blog, "it wasn’t something I did, it wasn't something I said, and it wasn’t my fault, but it was a result of a decision made".

   I think sometimes the need to be loved and taken care of, along with a history of abuse at whatever level can cloud a person's sense judgment. We look past what should be obvious but isn't. It leads to a place no one wants to be.  Despair, regret, and loneliness. The list could go on in many directions.

   Since I have been on this journey it's as if a film has been removed from the eyes of my heart. God has been answering questions and has given me revelations to different scriptures.  For example, Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death... " the word wages refers to payment. However, I did not associate that with something that would cost me.  All too often we read scriptures without taking the time to digest them and allowing the revelation to be revealed. Bad choices will take you where you don't want to be, and charge you more than you want to pay! In some cases causing a sense of total hopelessness, leaving you feeling there is no way back. Whether it's emotional, physical, or financially (I have learned this first hand!). Emotionally I was taken to a place where I did not want to get out of bed, dreading my daily life and the unknown of that day. Even though I am a Christian I felt as if there was no hope.

   Jeremiah 29:11  Say's "Gods thoughts and plans for us are for hope, to give us a future."  I personally could not grasp the concept that that was for me, do to the very high cost of decisions I had made.  It wasn't until I started this journey of healing and wholeness that I started to accept and digest that scripture for myself,  I'm still digesting it.

   I am now on my way to healing and wholeness! I don't know how long this journey will be, but I know God Has me on the right path. There are some self-discoveries that I have had to recognize and ask God to help me rid them out of my life. 

   In all honesty, as I sit here typing, thinking about the right words to write, wanting to be transparent, but not wanting to be too transparent. At this moment, the biggest obstacle appears to be forgiving myself!  A poor choice, or perhaps choices I made that affected not only my life at a heavy cost, but also the lives of the people that mean the most to me, they paid a price as well. Not of their own choice made, but mine.

Thanks For Reading! 
Blessing! 

Tammie

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Welcome!

   A few years ago I asked God, why? I did not understand why situations in my life were as they were. I knew these situations weren't normal, (in my opinion), but I didn’t know why appeared to me as not normal was happening.

Sometimes God doesn’t answer us right away because we are not strong enough for the answer. 

   In my case, I believe I not only had to be strong enough but in the right place in my life to go through this healing process. I needed to be ready for a change. 

   The other day God gave me the answer, and it took me back. All I could say was "OH MY GOD!"  I was mad at myself, feeling as if I not only had been totally tricked but that my life had been wasted. A friend of mine was with me during this discovery, she made a statement to me that caused a turning point. She said, "Tammie, turn around and move forward!" The statement was based on a song she had me listen to earlier that day that hit home with me. 

   If God would have given me the answer to the question when I asked Him, I would not have been strong enough for the answer. I needed to be on this journey of healing to understand, it wasn’t something I did, it wasn't something I said, and it wasn’t my fault, but it was a result of a decision made. 

I've turned around, I'm moving forward!

Thank For Reading!

Blessings!

Tammie