Welcome!
Growing up, especially from my teen years on, I have maintained a mindset that one does not have the right to abuse or belittle another, period. Everyone bleeds red.
As I have been in this process, of remembering, my thoughts are, how DARE they! Who did they think they were? they knew exactly what their intentions were. It angers me, and it sickens me! I know there is a healing process, maybe this is a part of it, but I won't let it take root! otherwise the predator has won, still having a hold on me, affecting my life.
During the conversation leading to the challenge that put me on this journey, a very interesting statement was made that has stayed with me, helping me in this process. It was, forgiving someone means releasing them from the wrong as if it never happened. Again, it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me! and what I need to be free!
When I was younger, even as the predators nibbled, as I mentioned in a prior post, I thought it was just me, their actions were innocent? or so I thought possible. I know now that was not the case in any way. I'm mad at myself for being that vulnerable, that naive. What's next? First, I need to forgive myself, that may prove to be tough! I believe I am my toughest critic, I expect much from myself, but, I know I have to forgive! even Myself!
I truly believe we don't go through the storms of life just to get through them, but to help someone going through, where we have been. Or, possibly, to wave a red flag.
I believe that getting past the effects of the predator's nibbles is for a reason, not just healing for me, even though that's a HUGE part of it, but healing for others as well.
I know there are many different forms of abuse, sexually, physically, emotionally, the list keeps going. And though I have never been physically abused, at least not to the extreme, or even the not so extreme as many have. I do however know the effects of sexual and emotional abuse. Subtle and not so subtle. It's lonely, painful, emotionally and physically draining.
When the obvious sex abuse happened, even though I told, for some reason I didn't think of it as sex abuse, but rather, something wrong that happened. Now that I'm grown, recognizing it for what it was, my thoughts are, wow! And not in a good way, but in a sick and discussed way. Not at myself, but the predator.
It wasn't until just a few years ago that I recognized the emotional abuse I have endured all my life, as emotional abuse. Growing up I just thought of it as being bullied, not recognizing that words are creative and carry weight. The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" IS SUCH A LIE!! I could go into several stories of things that have been said to me that have stayed with me through my life, however, I choose not to go there.
I'm discovering that abuse has a deep root and has affected me in ways I have never thought possible. The protector who taught me used to always say or do things to make other people feel good. On many occasions, stretching the truth, to impress? I don't know. Looking back at how I handled many things, I was unknowingly taught by the protector. Only He had confidence, or so I thought. Maybe not, knowing some of his histories, maybe he too was in survival mode. None the less, I need to press through to healing.
As I've been writing these blogs, I've realized, all the abuse I've endured through my life has kept me in chains, and held me back. It's time for the chains to come off, the root to die, and to be set free! It all starts with forgiveness! So, I choose to forgive!
Knowing God is real has been such a big part of my life, He has become my lifeline. I've been through some hard stuff, and even though I wasn't always sure how to reach out to Him, looking back, He was always there. Just like He'll be for this healing process.
Thanks for Reading!
Blessings!
Tammie
Growing up, especially from my teen years on, I have maintained a mindset that one does not have the right to abuse or belittle another, period. Everyone bleeds red.
As I have been in this process, of remembering, my thoughts are, how DARE they! Who did they think they were? they knew exactly what their intentions were. It angers me, and it sickens me! I know there is a healing process, maybe this is a part of it, but I won't let it take root! otherwise the predator has won, still having a hold on me, affecting my life.
During the conversation leading to the challenge that put me on this journey, a very interesting statement was made that has stayed with me, helping me in this process. It was, forgiving someone means releasing them from the wrong as if it never happened. Again, it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me! and what I need to be free!
When I was younger, even as the predators nibbled, as I mentioned in a prior post, I thought it was just me, their actions were innocent? or so I thought possible. I know now that was not the case in any way. I'm mad at myself for being that vulnerable, that naive. What's next? First, I need to forgive myself, that may prove to be tough! I believe I am my toughest critic, I expect much from myself, but, I know I have to forgive! even Myself!
I truly believe we don't go through the storms of life just to get through them, but to help someone going through, where we have been. Or, possibly, to wave a red flag.
I believe that getting past the effects of the predator's nibbles is for a reason, not just healing for me, even though that's a HUGE part of it, but healing for others as well.
I know there are many different forms of abuse, sexually, physically, emotionally, the list keeps going. And though I have never been physically abused, at least not to the extreme, or even the not so extreme as many have. I do however know the effects of sexual and emotional abuse. Subtle and not so subtle. It's lonely, painful, emotionally and physically draining.
When the obvious sex abuse happened, even though I told, for some reason I didn't think of it as sex abuse, but rather, something wrong that happened. Now that I'm grown, recognizing it for what it was, my thoughts are, wow! And not in a good way, but in a sick and discussed way. Not at myself, but the predator.
It wasn't until just a few years ago that I recognized the emotional abuse I have endured all my life, as emotional abuse. Growing up I just thought of it as being bullied, not recognizing that words are creative and carry weight. The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" IS SUCH A LIE!! I could go into several stories of things that have been said to me that have stayed with me through my life, however, I choose not to go there.
I'm discovering that abuse has a deep root and has affected me in ways I have never thought possible. The protector who taught me used to always say or do things to make other people feel good. On many occasions, stretching the truth, to impress? I don't know. Looking back at how I handled many things, I was unknowingly taught by the protector. Only He had confidence, or so I thought. Maybe not, knowing some of his histories, maybe he too was in survival mode. None the less, I need to press through to healing.
As I've been writing these blogs, I've realized, all the abuse I've endured through my life has kept me in chains, and held me back. It's time for the chains to come off, the root to die, and to be set free! It all starts with forgiveness! So, I choose to forgive!
Knowing God is real has been such a big part of my life, He has become my lifeline. I've been through some hard stuff, and even though I wasn't always sure how to reach out to Him, looking back, He was always there. Just like He'll be for this healing process.
Thanks for Reading!
Blessings!
Tammie
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