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The word she spoke hit so many key areas of my life that I just cried, and then cried some more! By the time she was done speaking, I knew that I knew that by the end of this journey, I would indeed be healed and whole. Since then, I listened to what she spoke about five times. With each time that I listen, I'm being given an even greater hope of healing and wholeness, and God opened my eyes more to what He was saying to me through her.
At this moment I am still in an "oh my God" discovery mode from the blog I posted on September 2nd. It was definitely an eye-opener that is helping me to heal and stand strong. Although it has now been a week since this discovery, I am still in the processing mode. Again, quoting from my September 2nd blog, "it wasn’t something I did, it wasn't something I said, and it wasn’t my fault, but it was a result of a decision made".
I think sometimes the need to be loved and taken care of, along with a history of abuse at whatever level can cloud a person's sense judgment. We look past what should be obvious but isn't. It leads to a place no one wants to be. Despair, regret, and loneliness. The list could go on in many directions.
Since I have been on this journey it's as if a film has been removed from the eyes of my heart. God has been answering questions and has given me revelations to different scriptures. For example, Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death... " the word wages refers to payment. However, I did not associate that with something that would cost me. All too often we read scriptures without taking the time to digest them and allowing the revelation to be revealed. Bad choices will take you where you don't want to be, and charge you more than you want to pay! In some cases causing a sense of total hopelessness, leaving you feeling there is no way back. Whether it's emotional, physical, or financially (I have learned this first hand!). Emotionally I was taken to a place where I did not want to get out of bed, dreading my daily life and the unknown of that day. Even though I am a Christian I felt as if there was no hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 Say's "Gods thoughts and plans for us are for hope, to give us a future." I personally could not grasp the concept that that was for me, do to the very high cost of decisions I had made. It wasn't until I started this journey of healing and wholeness that I started to accept and digest that scripture for myself, I'm still digesting it.
I am now on my way to healing and wholeness! I don't know how long this journey will be, but I know God Has me on the right path. There are some self-discoveries that I have had to recognize and ask God to help me rid them out of my life.
In all honesty, as I sit here typing, thinking about the right words to write, wanting to be transparent, but not wanting to be too transparent. At this moment, the biggest obstacle appears to be forgiving myself! A poor choice, or perhaps choices I made that affected not only my life at a heavy cost, but also the lives of the people that mean the most to me, they paid a price as well. Not of their own choice made, but mine.
Thanks For Reading!
Blessing!
Tammie
I was lying in bed trying to sleep pondering this blog believing that I had nothing to say (not of any importance anyway) when I heard God gently say to me, "but you do." He reminded me of a word spoken by the same woman of God I spoke about in my blog on August 20th.
The word she spoke hit so many key areas of my life that I just cried, and then cried some more! By the time she was done speaking, I knew that I knew that by the end of this journey, I would indeed be healed and whole. Since then, I listened to what she spoke about five times. With each time that I listen, I'm being given an even greater hope of healing and wholeness, and God opened my eyes more to what He was saying to me through her.
At this moment I am still in an "oh my God" discovery mode from the blog I posted on September 2nd. It was definitely an eye-opener that is helping me to heal and stand strong. Although it has now been a week since this discovery, I am still in the processing mode. Again, quoting from my September 2nd blog, "it wasn’t something I did, it wasn't something I said, and it wasn’t my fault, but it was a result of a decision made".
I think sometimes the need to be loved and taken care of, along with a history of abuse at whatever level can cloud a person's sense judgment. We look past what should be obvious but isn't. It leads to a place no one wants to be. Despair, regret, and loneliness. The list could go on in many directions.
Since I have been on this journey it's as if a film has been removed from the eyes of my heart. God has been answering questions and has given me revelations to different scriptures. For example, Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death... " the word wages refers to payment. However, I did not associate that with something that would cost me. All too often we read scriptures without taking the time to digest them and allowing the revelation to be revealed. Bad choices will take you where you don't want to be, and charge you more than you want to pay! In some cases causing a sense of total hopelessness, leaving you feeling there is no way back. Whether it's emotional, physical, or financially (I have learned this first hand!). Emotionally I was taken to a place where I did not want to get out of bed, dreading my daily life and the unknown of that day. Even though I am a Christian I felt as if there was no hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 Say's "Gods thoughts and plans for us are for hope, to give us a future." I personally could not grasp the concept that that was for me, do to the very high cost of decisions I had made. It wasn't until I started this journey of healing and wholeness that I started to accept and digest that scripture for myself, I'm still digesting it.
I am now on my way to healing and wholeness! I don't know how long this journey will be, but I know God Has me on the right path. There are some self-discoveries that I have had to recognize and ask God to help me rid them out of my life.
In all honesty, as I sit here typing, thinking about the right words to write, wanting to be transparent, but not wanting to be too transparent. At this moment, the biggest obstacle appears to be forgiving myself! A poor choice, or perhaps choices I made that affected not only my life at a heavy cost, but also the lives of the people that mean the most to me, they paid a price as well. Not of their own choice made, but mine.
Thanks For Reading!
Blessing!
Tammie
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