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   I was really debating whether or not to publish the following life journey, however, do to the fact that I want to keep these blogs about my journey in life as real and respectful as possible, I have decided to move forward with this publishing.

   A few days ago there was a situation that took place in my life that left my heart broken to the point that in all honesty I would have been okay to simply not go on with my life. Although I was not going to end it, I wanted to just go away. I never wanted to feel that hurt again.

   With my thoughts in a state of despair I did what I had not done in quite a long time, I went to the grave sites of many family members including my granddaughter and my big brother that passed before I was born. As I was visiting my brothers grave it was obvious that his burial stone had been neglected for a long time, (perhaps since before my dad had passed). There was moss in the engraving of his name and year of his passing. I was unprepared to clean his stone so I used what I had to free the moss, since it had been raining the unwanted moss was moist which made the unprepared for process easier.

   After leaving my brothers grave site I was driving in my mustang down memory lane through old neighborhoods and by my old school which I attended in the second and third grades. As I was driving along through my past, it was then that I stopped and realized that in times past when in deep brokenness I would visited the past in one way or another. I also realized something. I can not live in the past and still go to the future, if I want change, it starts with me. So I said "no, God, I'm not going to live in the past anymore", instead I went and ran a few errands moving towards the unknown having changed the routine of my history when in brokenness.

   I want to back up a bit, after I visited my parents graves, as I looked up I seen my black mustang on the cemetery road, the grill of my car facing a hill directly ahead. Knowing the power under it's hood, it was as if God was showing me that my life was going to start moving really fast. then I remembered being shown the same thing years before. The hill the grill was facing, to me, represents going to a higher place in life.

   After running a few errands trying to take my mind off the situation and alleviate the pain to no avail, I parked my car, put it in park turned the engine off and I simply said "God, help me". After removing my keys from the ignition and getting ready to go purchase lunch, I looked in my hand only to see a forgotten key I placed on my ring, I was reminded I had access to a relatives house who was out of town. I said,"thanks God" knowing exactly the direction He was leading me to go. I went, purchased my lunch, and headed to my relatives home. It was quiet and peaceful, just what I needed. Finishing eating I simply sat in the stillness of the environment, taking in the tranquility.

   After gathering my thoughts I decided to tidy up a bit. Some aspects of cleaning I enjoy because I can see the results of my labor right away. So, I proceeded to vacuum and sweep up the kitchen. As I was sweeping the tiny fragments into the dustpan I felt the peace of the home and sensed that's what my future held.

   Enjoying keeping busy, taking my mind off of life, I decided to go tanning. When my relative gave me the key to her home, she gave me her blessings to use the different amenities within her home. Years ago in my mid twenties I went through a Really hard time in my life, I found tanning was a great way to get away from the world, even if it was only for a short time.
In this situation I wanted to relax and make it all go away. Although tanning per say didn't make the pain go away, it helped me to relax and add a little color.

   Once I finished tanning and cleaned up I knew it was time to go back into the real world and reality as I knew it. God knew exactly what He was doing when He reminded me of the forgotten key. I believe it is no coincidence that a conversation between my relative and I led to her giving me the key to her home.

Thanks For Reading
Blessings!

Tammie